“Think about the last time you saw this person,” she says. “What did you do? What were you laughing about? What did you love that they said to you?” The answers to those questions might spark inspiration and guide your words.

Keep in mind that a handwritten card can do something a store-bought one can’t: it’ll sound unmistakably like you. It leaves room for inside jokes, shared memories, and the small details that only make sense to two people. “What’s great about handwritten cards is they afford you the opportunity to tailor your message to reflect you, your partner, and your relationship,” says Laura Kurtz, a social psychologist and program manager of the Love Consortium, a group of researchers who study social connections. “The power is in the personalization.”

Kurtz suggests considering what qualities you most admire about that person, and working them into your message. “What do you love about them?” she asks. “Try not to focus on what they do or how they make you feel, but rather emphasize what it is about them—who they are as a person—that you find most remarkable.”