Emma Heming Willis recently turned 50, but she almost let it pass by without any celebration. In a new interview, she opened up about the caregiver guilt that nearly stopped her from celebrating her milestone birthday, and what finally made her change her mind.

Speaking with the Making Space podcast on TODAY, Emma Heming Willis was asked about what it felt like turning 50. “I really was looking forward to 50 because my 40s felt like a little bit of a doozy,” she said. Still, being the caregiver for her husband Bruce Willis, who lives with frontotemporal dementia, she found herself struggling to celebrate. “I have not really been in the celebratory feelings of late, and I was unsure if I really wanted to do anything,” she added.

Later, Emma said her close friend ultimately changed her mind by convincing her not to skip the milestone. After thinking it over, she realized she didn’t want to regret missing such an important birthday. Her family and close friends gathered at home in June for a personal celebration.

Why Emma Heming Willis says caregiver guilt almost overshadowed her milestone birthday

When Emma was asked whether she struggled to celebrate while Bruce continues to face dementia, she admitted that guilt is something she deals with every day. “I always wrestle with it. I think guilt is something that I am always carrying,” she said. That guilt was almost going to take over her milestone celebration.

Even so, Emma said she reminds herself to think about what her husband would want for her. She added, “He would want me to have a big fun bash. He would want me to celebrate my life with my friends and family.” That convinced her to overcome the guilt and ultimately celebrate her day with close ones.

She also added that meeting with other caregivers has helped her understand that experiencing joy doesn’t take away her love for Bruce. “Life still isn’t easy. It’s very hard. It’s very heavy.” She added, “But I have learned to also allow those cracks of light to come in, to experience joy, experience laughter, without being guilty about it.”